I rarely dream… the few dreams I remember are in my present life, never in my past.  But, ‘The One Who Shall Not be Named’ is still breaking all kinds of my personal rules and normalities. 

TOWSNBN is gone.  He left when I didn’t want him to leave, and he managed to do it in a way that worsened my abandonment issues with men (and no these issues do not come from an absent or horrible father, my dad is rad). 

There are plenty of good men in my life, who I could be happy with.  I look at them, and something is missing.  I don’t tingle, and the world doesn’t sparkle bright.

TOWSNBN should be happy, he is the one who was able to make the choices.  He was able to move his life in the direction of the picture he saw for his life.  

I do not have a picture. I have feelings and sentiments, and they are aimless. I have dreams, and I don’t need sleep to have them. 

I am a survivor and a dreamer.  Even when I think about him, and my heart slightly cracks.  


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