life

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Sometimes I forget what I actually look like, rather than how I see myself. Today I was doing yoga, and when I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. To be honest, I really wish people would see me as the awkward nerd, that I see, rather than the attractive person they see standing in front of them. It’s beyond uncomfortable to even talk about being pretty, or attractive, because I do NOT see myself like that. Being pretty is genetic luck, being a good person isn’t always the popular choice.

All the time when I was in college, I would get approached by modeling scouts (actual talent agents and scammers). I never did, and still don’t, understand what the big deal is, or why they wanted to talk to me. My looks have worked against me, as much as they have worked in my favor. I have lost friends and promotions, all because I’m pretty and that’s all they see. Bosses don’t take me seriously and will blow me off, and friends get jealous or their girlfriends do. It is beyond uncomfortable to think that people are more concerned about my exterior appearance, than what’s beneath the surface.

Every day I struggle with what people see, and how I feel. I don’t understand why people comment more about my appearance, then my decisions. I am more proud of my decisions then I am of my appearance. Every day I feel extremely different, and almost left out, because I know what people assume when they see me. And they couldn’t be more wrong.

Let’s get this straight: I’m not ashamed of the way I look. In fact I love it, because I am a wonderful combination of my parents and they are amazing. If I could be half as patient and understanding as my mother, and half as smart and witty as my father, I would consider myself beyond blessed.

It’s so disappointing to know so many people look at me and come to some pretty ignorant assumptions. All because I’m pretty.

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