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Ponder.

I always wonder if there is something wrong with me. So many people have beautifully imperfect relationships, some end and some life lasting. I have yet to commit to anyone.

Commitment is big. But bigger then commitment, are the feelings that allow people to want that commitment. There are big feelings, and there are THE feelings. When I believed to have THE feelings, it’s beautiful and frightening. For me, frightening freezes me, and by the time I can move and go after who I want, they have left.

This last time, was brutal. Now, all of a sudden, I have men sharing feelings and showing interest, and I don’t want it. It’s almost to a level of terror now, and I do not want to grab onto what is being offered.

Whereas most people find the risk of love worth it, and have risked more than I have.
For me, I am starting to believe it’s more then I want to grab for.
It’s more than I want to watch walk away.

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