It shocks me to realize lingering thoughts about you still have the power to hurt me. An obscene amount of time has passed for any feelings to still be attached to thoughts of you. I have more time with your absence then your presence, and yet I can miss you as though I’ve known you the majority of my life. The possibilities of what could have been haunt me, and the reality of what truly exists feels like a mistake. All I ever asked for was honesty, I may not have liked what the honest answer was but it was all I needed, and instead you left me with a quiet exit. Your silence has left more doubt and insecurities, then I thought was possible. Beautiful words and a hasty exit, give me every reason to believe everything you said was a lie. The beautiful words, the meaningful discussions, the unbelievable rightness of what was happening. All lies. I am a gullible believer, and you a skillful preacher. While you call me beautiful, you are walking away.
I expect nothing. I’m sure if for some bizarre reason you were to find this and read this, I’m sure you believe I’m half crazy. Quite frankly, I feel half crazy. Add this as another notch on your belt, trophy on your shelf, whatever analogy you feel is fitting. My only purpose for this letter, is to let it out. I’m not the first female to feel this way, I won’t be the last. So this letter to You, is Me figuring out a way of letting you go.