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What do you say?

3 days ago, a girl who was 5 years younger then I am passed away from liver cancer.

6 years ago, a really good friend’s brother passed away in a car accident.

Both times, I have no idea what to say.

I’m not going to claim some amazingly close relationship with the girl who just passed away from cancer, but she was a person I knew of through someone else.  And still, it’s shocking.  And still, I want to say something to him, because he loved her.  What do you say?

When my friend, who I will claim a close relationship with, brother passed away I had no words.  All I could think of was: if this situation was reversed, and I was the one who lost my brother, what could she say to me?  When I couldn’t answer my own question, I said nothing.  Well, I said something, and what I did say sounded… weak.

Sometimes, I wonder why am I here, and why are they not? It always feels like when someone passes away, everyone remembers these amazing things, and focuses so much on the everything that was positive about someone, it leaves me feeling… ineffective.  I wonder why people can’t acknowledge that someone who passed away wasn’t perfect, and wasn’t always liked, but they can still be sad.  And truly, feeling the unfairness of someone dying, doesn’t mean you didn’t like them.  It means you feel compassion and a connection to humanity that is larger then your own personal feelings.  I believe by turning someone into some kind of living saint, it makes it harder for people to let go. And maybe, people start to an unfairness that isn’t there.

I really don’t understand how God makes his decision for a persons lifespan.

But some things aren’t meant to be understood.

Some things are just meant to be experienced, and to encourage growth.

But still…. what do you say to the people who are still here?

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