In the morning I’ll be back to my cheery and optimistic self, but now I’m in need of a little pity party. Life is always about circumstances, and how we deal with them. Every now and then, there has to be a pity party to remind us of why we fight so hard to be happy. No one wants to permanently live in a pity party.
I had a job I worked my ass off for the last (just about) two years, but because of a reorganization and change to my position, I was ready to return to my home state. Now, while I’m looking for another career position, I’m working retail. I’m struggling to remind myself, this is a stepping stone, not a permanent career move. I wasn’t fired, or found inefficient, I just couldn’t handle even more travel time. In fact, I was given a very good recommendation for a West Coast position, but there has to be an opening to get a job.
And nothing makes you feel more like a loser then: a) moving back to your parents house and b) missing someone who doesn’t give two shits about you.
a) I finally leave my parents house, and gain the independence I need to have. But I’m back, and it feels odd being back, and not necessarily in a positive way. All I know, there’s a six month deadline, and I better be on my own again, and back on a career path.
b) Who the hell thinks/cares about someone they haven’t heard from in over six months? Who? Well I’ll tell you who, this idiot. There’s nothing worse than knowing you weren’t good enough, or that you think of them more often than you’re happy with, and you know they don’t think of you at all. It feels excessively pathetic, and lame.
Tomorrow with be a better day. I will remind myself everything in my life right now is transitional, and I will succeed at being happy. And one day, someone will care about me, as me, and not something I feel I need to be for someone.