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I feel like a joke.

I feel so close and distant to the feelings and situation, it almost feels like it didn’t happen. Then when I remember it truly did, it’s just a joke. Feelings and emotions make me feel extremely insecure, because they are fickle aspects of life. They’re constantly changing and evolving, and I never get any comfort from them. I don’t believe feeling all that bullshit is worth it.

I’ve officially turned into a cynical asshole. Even in the moments when I stop to smell Lilac flowers, and let the fun hit my face, I realize it’s just a moment. My moments of vulnerability are tempered by knowing that vulnerability has caused me to feel desolate.

It’s all a joke.

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