I feel like a joke.
I feel so close and distant to the feelings and situation, it almost feels like it didn’t happen. Then when I remember it truly did, it’s just a joke. Feelings and emotions make me feel extremely insecure, because they are fickle aspects of life. They’re constantly changing and evolving, and I never get any comfort from them. I don’t believe feeling all that bullshit is worth it.
I’ve officially turned into a cynical asshole. Even in the moments when I stop to smell Lilac flowers, and let the fun hit my face, I realize it’s just a moment. My moments of vulnerability are tempered by knowing that vulnerability has caused me to feel desolate.
It’s all a joke.